16 Things You’ll Only Know if You’ve Been a Hairdresser

The hairdresser: trusted by some, feared by many. A friend, a confidant and someone with sharp tools. Not to be annoyed. If you are lucky enough to be working in one of the most creative industries out there, you’ll more than relate to the following:

1. ‘Do whatever you want…but I don’t want anything off the length and I like my colour’ Right. I’ll just give it a brush then.

2. Most of your clothes are bleach marked and many a black top has been coloured in with a Sharpie. Wear an apron? I’m a professional, I don’t need an apron…Oh wait.

3. While we are on the subject of destroying your clothes, most of the time your hands will give the impression you’ve either got a weird tropical disease or have killed someone. Note to self, wear the gloves.

4. You spend more time critiquing the hair during films and TV shows than following the plot. The main character has just been killed, and you’re pondering aloud the colour combination and whether they’ve used a toner.

5. Weekends: a long forgotten time where you weren’t up to your elbows in hair cuttings with the smell of bleach heavy in the air.

6. It takes a lot of control not to go over and give hair advice to the stranger on the street. They have to know that a fringe would really suit them, or that the layered look they’ve got really isn’t working with their hair type. It’s friendly stylist advice, why are they glaring?! (Picture: Getty)

7. You cringe when a friend says they’ve given their fringe ‘a little trim’. Most salons and mobile stylists will do that for free, why would you want to make yourself look like a toddler’s gone at your fringe with a pair of safe scissors.

8. They come in clutching a celebrity picture. Please have realistic expectations. I do hair, I don’t perform plastic surgery. Not in the time you’ve booked in for a trim.

9. You’ll become an expert in lip reading and the old nod and smile usually works to continue the conversation. Just hope they haven’t been talking about anything other than holidays.

10. You just know if it’s a girls night out and you are invited to someone’s house you’ll be needing a hairdryer and brush. That is why the photos from the night show six friends with a variety of styling and you, with a ponytail.

11. Please see also ‘mates rates’ – funnily enough the salon supplies place I use doesn’t accept payment in ‘loyal customer tokens’.

12. Client booked in for a colour, you buy the colour, they cancel. Then they do it themselves at home and ring you in tears.

13. You’ll quite often end up rubbing your crotch against an elbow, or brushing a head with your boob. If you were a stripper there’d be a nice tip waiting.

14. There will always be that one client who keeps their eyes open at the wash station. It’s creepy – don’t make eye contact.

15. Hair splinters – you’ll get them. It’s a stranger’s hair growing in your skin. We know, it’s gross.

16. Getting your own hair done is a special time. You can relax and…nope, you’ll be watching like a hawk. Why are they holding the comb that way?

 

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